I Am Doing It!

I took a long break from my blog.

I also took a break from even trying to lose weight.

Now I have just been taking a break from my blog...

...while I have been losing weight!

I joined Weight Watchers again and started the program on September 1, 2009.

I have lost 54.8 pounds!

Now, let's back up. How did I go from barely smoldering to on fire? I am not sure. After the last post June 9th, I made some feeble attempts to tell myself I was at least trying to keep things under control. But honestly (this is really hard to admit) I was gaining weight. I actually gained all that I had lost last year, plus almost 10 pounds more. So I did the logical thing...I gave up. I stopped even trying. I stopped thinking about it. I just pushed it out of my head. Though, that's hard to do when every movement I would make reminded me of my size.

In June I started a new job. I just wanted something part time that did not interfere with me being a stay-at-home Mom. I found a wonderful job as a gate agent for Delta Connections at the airport. I work nights from 8pm to 1am. Perfect. Kids go to bed...I go to work. But, this is the first job I have even had to order a uniform. I was sure they were going to tell me they didn't have any my size! They did. Thankfully they are very casual -- cargo pants and Polo's. But sometime in August I split the side of my pants out on the side. Thank Heavens for a long shirt! That got me thinking again. I asked myself "Where are you going to be in 10 years if you keep on like this?" I knew the answer. My parents came to visit in August. Thankfully I have a Mother who never pushes the subject when she can tell I don't want to talk about it. Finally, before she left I brought up that I was feeling totally hopeless again, and actually scared too. She suggested I try Weight Watchers (WW) again. I said I would think about it.

Last year I was having success with South Beach but was feeling really restricted and like it was hard to feed my family the same things. But I loved all it re-taught me about whole grains, simple sugars, etc. I have also always been a fan of WW and knew it worked. But when I did it I only worried about keeping in my points -- not the kinds of foods they were. WW does teach to eat the good grains, etc like South Beach, but I never paid attention.

What if I combined them?

Yes. I would attend WW but keep South Beach Principles in mind. I also set some rules for myself:

• Go to WW as if I have never been. I threw out all the materials I had and went as a totally new member. Not a past member returning.
• No weighing at home. Biggest Loser gave me this idea. That's why I go to WW meetings. To weight and then get support and information every week. Plus, if I weight and am down I don't think I have to work as hard. And if I'm up, I just give up because it's not working. I am not focusing on numbers during the week --- I am just following the plan.
• Track Everything (that means write it down)
• Water every day
• My goal is 2 lbs a week for a total of 75 lbs when Lukas is out of school in June 2010

And that's what I have been doing! I am just really following all my rules and the WW program. I am also exercising 45 minutes/5 times a week on my elliptical machine. And it's working. I have found the combination that takes the weight off for me! It's coming off faster than I expected, but I am not going to try to stop it!

I didn't blog until now because I have felt like the 'boy who cried wolf'. I feel like all my life I have been saying "I am going to really lose it now" and it usually ends up being 20 pounds, then I gain it back + some. That's the story of my life. It's embarrassing. So this time I kept it to myself. Of course my Mom and Dad knew. And Cinda....one of my biggest cheerleaders and supporters...I couldn't do it without her knowing. But that's it. I just wanted to do it. Show myself that I am not crying wolf...I am really doing it. But I have missed this blog, so to celebrate reaching the 50 lb mark I am going to keep up again. My goal is once a week to report my weigh in and then reflect on the past week.

--------------------------------------------------------

Now that you are all caught up on where I am and how I got to this place, I want to include some of the successes I have had away from the scale. These are called NSVs. Non Scale Victories. They are just as important and I want to remember them when I look back at this journey.

• The work pants I slit out are HUGE. I don't even have to unbutton them to get them off.
• When I fly on the airplane I don't need Nick to buckle me in while I suck in like crazy. Last week I had to actually tighten it!
• The tray-table on the plane did not hit my stomach!
• There are rubber gloves we use at work that were too small for my hands. Now they fit!
• I can bend over to tie my shoes without grunting
• I am wearing clothes that still have tags. I bought them thinking I will get into them and never did. I am in them NOW!
• I wear a different skirt every week now. I did have one black maternity one that I had to wear every week.
• I had the first "Are you losing weight?" comment 2 weeks ago. That is HUGE! I have not lost enough weight for someone else (that does not know I am trying to lose weight) to notice since high school!
• I have never lost this much at one time
• I am at a weight now that I honestly don't have a memory of being. Obviously, I had to pass it on the way up, but I have never gotten this low again, and it has been so long that I don't remember weighing this.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I just feel good. Great. Wonderful. Fantastic!

I have a lot more to lose, but I have to enjoy the journey, and I AM! I am loving this journey! One of the greatest things is that I don't even feel winded. I don't feel discouraged. I don't feel like I am on a horrible diet and how long until I'm done. I am just excited to keep going!

When I hit the 50 lb mark at WW I cried! I was so excited and overwhelmed with joy that I am doing this! In the meeting my leader asked what it meant to me. I started to cry again, and through tears said, "It means I am finally keeping this promise to myself."