Another change of plans?

Alas, my last plan of blogging every day with my food logs has not worked! My life is just so crazy right now. I rarely take a few minutes to even read other blogs and have just done the first post on our family blog in about a month! This trying to sell a house is the pitts! I am always cleaning and putting the piles away and getting ready for a showing or open house. And then I have to leave during the open house or showing, and it is always around a meal! It is exhausting!

So, last week as I am not blogging like I wanted to, and I was eating more phase 2 with some not good choices mixed in, and I was starting to be really hard on myself again, I just realized that unfortunately, right now I cannot give losing weight the full focus it requires! If you have ever tried to lose weight, you know it is sort of like being pregnant. For me at least, I never forget that I am pregnant. I never think, "Oh ya, I am with child and I totally forgot!" I am always thinking about getting enough water, the right foods, not falling, not lifting anything too heavy, is the baby kicking enough, what week am I in, etc, etc, etc! Well, losing weight is like that. It is something that you never forget, you are always working to make the right food choice (and if you think about how many times a day you eat or get a snack, or a drink...that is a lot of choices!) and you are thinking about water, about exercise, about NOT eating what your kids are eating, or the refreshments at a get together, etc, etc, etc. It is a full-time job to lose weight.

I am not trying to make excuses, I am just finally being realistic instead of ripping myself to shreds again. Life is crazy right now, we are going to be in Montana all next week, and then hopefully soon after moving, which is always pretty chaotic in my experience. So, I had to think about what I expect of myself during this time...what is really realistic.

I have thought of this all week and decided that right now I can do Phase 2. Phase 2 gives me more freedom. I can have fruit, more dairy products and whole grains. I can grab a sandwich, or a South Beach Bar, make a fast spaghetti dinner with a salad...you get the idea. In the past when I have been on Phase 2 I have been really cautious and would allow myself one serving of grains and one fruit. But right now I will have to just have what fits, and that will be more servings of those things, but they are good foods and choices so that is okay!

It will be hard when we are in Montana next week and will be eating out a lot. I will be honest, I won't order a salad at every place we eat. I will have some snacks. But I can make good choices most of the time.

My goal right now is to MAINTAIN. If I can get through this transition time at about the same weight I will be really happy. Once we are settled again I can go full-steam ahead after my goal. I have learned there is a time and a season for all things.

Quote of the day:

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

~John Lennon

I think we can all relate to this one! While I continue to make plans and set goals life keeps coming and keeps happening. Just because I am not at the weight I want to be does not mean that I am not happy and that I do not love my life...I do. I see all my blessing everyday in the faces of Nick, Lukas and Slade.

I will reach my goal weight, but it won't be this month. That's okay. I won't even reach my end goal this year, or maybe even next year. It's a long process. But someone once told me that it's okay to tell yourself you are going to maintain. That can be your goal for a time, and when the time is right and you are ready you can set a new goal to move forward.

So I am okay with this goal to maintain...this is realistic right now...this is the kind thing to do for myself at this time.

Food Log - Mon 2/9/09

I realize I was sort of hard on myself in the last post I wrote. You are all so supportive and I know nobody is judging me. I am the most critical of myself, and learning to allow myself the same mistakes that I allow others is part of my learning process in this journey. I am no longer mad at myself for the last few rough weeks, I am just moving forward! There will be more bad weeks in the future, I will just get better at recovering from them and bounce back faster!

Yesterday I did stay on Phase 1, but I actually did not eat enough until the evening. I did not have my day planned too good and needed to get groceries. So eating was an after thought by the time I got to it yesterday!

I will just list what I ate sort of in the order I ate it.

What I ate:
-String cheese
-String cheese
-Gum
-Pistachio nuts
(The above is all I ate until about 5:30pm)
-A bowl of taco soup with some low fat cheese and ff free sour cream (yummy!)
-Salad with a few sun flower seeds and lf ranch
-2 cream cheese cups, a dollop of peanut butter, a few sugar free chocolate chips, dollop of cool whip melted together
-1 32 oz mug of water

Now I have groceries so I can eat a more balanced day. I still need to work on getting some new snack and dinner recipes from other South Beachers. I need to call Denette and Kim to get their favorites!

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

START OVER

This is a really mortifying post to write. Last week I talked the talk, but did not walk the walk. I started out good....but ended with a bad week in my rear view mirror.

I know I deserve a good tongue lashing, but don't worry, I've got it covered. I was working on a letter to myself this week as a post that never got posted. I will give you a little snippet so can see how I felt this week...

"...You started the week out good with positive thoughts that turned negative and then you started making bad choices! I was understanding of myself last week, but this week I just feel mad at myself! I am mad at you because you are taking my dream away! You are being weak! You are being selfish! You are being short-sighted! You are looking for instant gratification! You are not taking care of yourself! You are having negative self talk! You are not believing in yourself! You are feeling like you really can't do this! You can't imagine yourself as anything but fat anymore..."

So you can see I am not happy with myself. I know I have disappointed all of you too. Sorry. But feeling sorry for myself, and mad at myself, and embarrassed by my choices is not going to make me any thinner. It will only serve one purpose...it will keep the destructive cycle of 'eat-feel bad-eat more from guilt-negative self talk-guilt-eat' going strong. I have been stuck in the cycle for 2 weeks now. (Dang It!) But I have held myself accountable by talking about it here and now today I am jumping out of the negative cycle wheel and 'STARTING OVER'. I am not beat until I totally quit, and I am not doing that.

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What I need is to get back to the very basics.

1. I have started Phase 1 today


2. I will exercise 3 days this week


3. I will drink two 32 oz mugs of water a day


4. I will chew gum at least 3 times a day


5. I will blog what I have eaten every day

Breakdown:

1. Of course I need Phase 1 to clean my body out again and give me the jump start. I have been stagnant for too long now. I want to get past the 30 lbs lost point and be excited about where I am again!

2. I am delivering papers full time (again) for a few weeks (I know, when will I ever really stop!) That does make it harder to exercise since I get up later and have to get Lukas to preschool and things. So I decided for the next two weeks I will exercise on Tues, Friday, and Saturday since those days I don't have to be anywhere at a specific time.

3. I know how important water is. And if I am drinking water I am also drinking less pop.

4. Why chew gum? If I am chewing gum I am not eating something else. I want to get in the habit of grabbing gum when I am really not hungry, I just want to chew on something.

5. Post what I eat every day? This is one that will bore you to tears, I am sure! Nobody wants to read what I ate that day. I know that. But I NEED to post it so I am really conscience about what foods I am eating and if I am balancing out all the things I need. This is what they tell you in weight loss 101..."write what you eat." NOT writing what I eat has been one thing I love about the South Beach Diet, but right now I need that extra step to help me reach the strong point I was at before.

That is the plan.

At this point I deserve all the "Ya rights" you are thinking right now. I know I deserve them. I have to prove to you and to myself again, that I can do this.

Quote of the Day:

In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins, not through strength but by perseverance.

H. Jackson Brown

This was a quote I used in a November post. It has become one of my very favorite quotes. It is the story of the Turtle and the Hare all over again. It tells my story. I know that I am not strong all the time,I have proved that the last two weeks. But I am trying to persevere and through that process get stronger, so that I can win.

I can not give up. I just have too much to gain by reaching this goal.

MIA No More

Where oh where has Karly been?

Have I been working so hard on my goals that I did not have time to post...no.

Have I been busy selling my house...no.

I have not been doing anything productive or noble, I have been...

...POUTING!

Yep. I am embarrassed to admit it, but I have been having a good old fashioned pity party for myself. I weighed last Monday and did not lose any weight. It really upset me because I had made some changes that I thought would help me. I worked out for four days and I really pushed myself. I burned more than double the calories I used to in a workout. I also cut back on the diet pop and drank 64 oz of water a day. And then, NOTHING. No loss.

Now, the rational adult in me knows that this happens sometimes when you are trying to lost weight. That does not mean your hard work will not be rewarded, it just may not show up on the scale that week. And yes, that can be frustrating but you just have to keep working hard and you will be rewarded.

But, the impatient, greedy child in me got mad and stomped her feet (I didn't really, but I felt like it) and yelled "It's not fair!" So I did not make good choices that day, which turned into another day, and another.

While I was pouting, I also got really stressed and...

...cracked under pressure!

Nick and I started to get really worried about not being able to sell the house yet, how to get him up to Great Falls, and how to finance him staying there in a hotel, and then the whole process of selling here and not having a house up there yet....all the the logistics of the move just got really confusing and overwhelming at once.

And when I get really stressed....I eat.

And since I was already mad that I did not lose, and then the 'eat' signal came from the stress, I did not make good choices. Now, I am not trying to make excuses. I could have changed the outcome of both of these situations. I CHOSE NOT TO...I CHOSE to make BAD choices. I am going through all of this so I can understand why I made the choices I did, and realize how I can change the outcome next time.

No excuses. I am responsible for the bad choices I made.

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Now what?

You know the drill. I know the drill.

PHASE 1.

I just have to pick up and keep going. I am not going to give up for good. Just because I gave up for a week does not mean I am just giving up. I lost a battle, but there is still a war to win. In fact, yesterday at church I was talking to my friend Kim, who has lost about 80 lbs on South Beach. I told her I had a bad week and she said, "Me too!" I told her I am starting Phase 1 again today and she said, "Me too!" So even someone who has lost a lot can and will still have those 'bad weeks' or 'bad days'. It doesn't mean you still can't reach your goal. It was great to talk to her and see that I am not the only one who hits rough patches. We are going to check on each other this week to be sure we are on track.

I have started well today. I have made good choices and will exercise tomorrow.

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Quote of the day:

"Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.”

Sam Levenson

This quote applies to me, but I would put in the word, "Don't watch the calendar..." That is where I went wrong last week, I was so set on losing by that weigh-in, that Monday. If I would have just kept going, I would have seen the results.

Just keep going....that is my new mantra!