Not Scared Any More

On the Biggest Loser (My FAVORITE Show) the contestants often say something like, "I have already won the prize. I got my life back." This last weekend I realized that even though I have not hit my goal weight yet, I have won the prize. I am living my life again. I have accomplished one of the things I wanted most--- to be an active Mom!

I had a training class I had to attend in Minneapolis. Because of the flight schedule there I had to leave at 9am Sun and get back at 11pm Monday. Nick had to take off work to stay with the kids in order for me to go. So, we made a mini-vacation out of it since they can fly for free and the hotel was on the company! Our hotel was near the Mall of America. There is Nickelodeon Universe there. It's a theme park INSIDE the mall! It's crazy! Of course, since it's Nickelodeon it was based around all Lukas and Slade's favorite characters....the most important being Spongebob (Lukas) and Diego (Slade). Slade was not big enough to go on any rides by himself. I am the parent that has to take him, since just looking at them makes Nick sick to his stomach. I love rides, so I am happy to do it. But, amusement parks are also scary for people of my previous size.

I'll share a story.

We had season passes to Lagoon the summer before we moved to Great Falls. Slade was too small for anything, and Lukas was big enough to go by himself. So I didn't have to go on many kids rides. I do like big kid rides though, so Cinda and I would ride some once in a while. But I was very careful before going on...looking at the ride to see if I thought I could fit in the seat. It would be so HUMILIATING to not be able to go on the ride because I was too big..and have to walk past all the people as I leave. Well, there was one ride, I don't remember the name, that almost ruined it all. You have a shoulder harness that comes down over you and then it flips upside down and tosses you around. We are in our seats. The ride should be starting. Then I hear a click as all the seats are released. I tell Cinda, "It's me. I don't fit. I'm sure of it." Sure enough the operator comes over and starts pushing the harness down trying to get it to lock around me. He gives up and asks the two people beside us to trade spaces with Cinda and I. They are able to get it locked and the ride starts. I have never been so certain that I would plummet to my death, since I was sure I was still not restrained properly. I just thought they let me go to spare me any more humiliation. And humiliated I was. I felt like the scum of the earth. After we got off I had to fight to not cry. We then saw a chart by the ride that showed there were two 'big' seats....the ones they moved me to. That experience has stuck with me. You don't forget feeling that low. I felt the same way at Disneyland. I was very careful what I went on. I was going to go on Space Mountain because there was no line. But the sign said something like 'some larger people may not fit'. Ya, didn't even try.

The point of this story is that at Nickelodeon Universe I went on every kids ride I wanted to with Slade! I fit in them all. I wasn't even worried (well, a small part was thinking about my previous experience, but it passed after the first ride). I LIVED MY LIFE! I was the Mom that could take my 2 year old on fun rides! I was able to enjoy something that was so fun for my kids, without that small little voice saying, "You're Fat." I just lived.

I have pictures to prove it:

Swiper's Sweep was really fun!

You can see we are all laughing hysterically as it whips us around!

Diego's Rescue

We drove some Big Rigs

We took a Barnyard Hayride

And a balloon ride!

I am so grateful that I am changing my life now, while my kids are young. I hear so many at Weight Watchers say they want to be able to enjoy their Grandkids. I want to enjoy my Grandkids too, but not before I enjoy lots of years with my sweet boys as a healthy and active Mom!

I have two weigh-ins to report:

Thursday May 13th:
Lost: -1.6 lbs

Thursday May 20th (after being gone for 2 days):
Lost: -1.2 lbs
Total Lost: -114.8 lbs

The weight loss has slowed down some, but that is to be expected. I actually expected it to happen a lot sooner than it did! I am still losing almost every week, so I cannot complain! I just keep plugging away. I hope to get my 115 lb star this week. Only 10 more pounds to another picture comparison!

One more note: Nick and I are running another 5K June 12th! Yea! It's things like running races and going to amusement parks with my kids that are thrilling! I am really living my life again! Not just any life --- the life I want!